May 13, 2018

I’m now almost a week into my mat leave and unsurprisingly, I’m already bored as hell! But in saying that, the past week has been so full of crazy last minute shopping for the baby and setting up the house we moved into 10 days ago. Oh and somewhere amongst the chaos I had my baby shower. Lovingly organised by my beautiful sister and kitchen whiz mother in law, it was a really beautiful day to relax and laugh with loved ones.

We’ve had quite a full on month, with my absence for 6 weeks from the business needing to be organised and a house move it’s all been pretty hectic. And the cherry on top was 3 days before we were due to move out of our old house, and the day before we were packing it all up, we got so badly burgled it actually looked like a bomb had hit the house! A fair bit of stuff was taken and there was a lot of damage but we took the positives as a way of really going through our stuff, that lay all over the floor and had a massive clean out. It was almost like the universe wanted us to!

I’m now 36 weeks pregs and I’m nearing this point where so many incredible women have been before me. I feel like I shouldn’t speak about pain or sore joints when I know so many that have done it worse than I have. So, I write this post purely from my perspective and it comes at a time where all my worlds collide.

As I sit amongst HUGE piles of freshly washed baby clothes and a partially packed hospital bag I am realising how excited I am to become a mum! Even though I’m scared shitless, knowing I have no idea what I am doing or what I’m about to embark on, I know that I will be fine! I actually think Ill be a good mumma! Sure, I don’t deny that I’ll be a bit of a tough nut but my heart has been aching, without realising for a pure & innocent soul to love.

I want to provide a life for this little girl that nurtures, supports and empowers her. And I don’t want to say, “and give her the life that I didn’t have” but I guess, that also comes down to it. Well, a lot actually.

I think when I started HHM it was at a time I was going through a huge transformation- physically, emotionally and energetically. And it all synced in so well, it all happened the way it was meant to! I shed the weight, I faced a lot of my issues, faced forward into my life’s goals & dreams and decided to make them happen.

But in the whirlwind of all that energy and adrenalin, I had been leaving some shit alone.. but as it always does, it’s come up right at a time that makes me laugh. With Mother’s Day this weekend and with my time as a mum so close to starting, a lot of my own Mother stuff is rearing its ugly head. And it’s time to acknowledge it properly, face it and release it..

As you know, I’m pretty damn honest about stuff. Not for any other reason but I believe that in order for people to see you, for who you really are and for them to be able to connect with what I am doing, I need to let them see me for once they see me they know why I am doing what I’m doing.

There’s a very big reason why I love the beautiful connections that I have with my clients and their families, especially their Mumma’s. Because I search for connection that I didn’t necessarily get as a child and growing up to who I am now. Because my mum wasn’t the best of mums. Actually she was pretty shit.

Being an alcoholic since just after I was born, I had a very turbulent childhood having been exposed and subjected to more than any child should.
It was a very hard childhood for my siblings and I and, whilst it has affected me deeply, I have chosen to see if for what it is. Over time, instead of playing victim to what I was subjected to and what I was not given- the basic rights of any child, I choose to see the positive in every negative.

It’s this message I say to myself every time I get knocked down. In that moment, when you think you will break- there is always something that is to be learned. I think it’s this thinking that has allowed me to use my life to create the woman I am today. I have had to be incredibly street smart as I was subjected to very real situations from a young age; I have had to be strong because I had no one to be strong for me and if I wanted something, I knew it wasn’t going to be handed to me. I didn’t come from money or opportunity, I came from grit and life telling me that if I really want something then I have to fight for it.

The path I am on in life is to be sure that my story doesn’t define me. It hasn’t made me the person I am, it has merely presented to with a fork in the road at each obstacle and asked me which way did I want to go. And for the most part I have chosen the path where I get back up with a smile on my face and with the resilience to fight with love and understanding for what I want.

And so it comes to now, more lessons being thrown at me and I take them and I suck them in. What will this obstacle teach me and how can I make the best of it?

With my mum very close to dying in hospital due to her alcohol addiction and with the birth of my little girl so close I have the opportunity, whilst I am on mat leave to see this strange situation in front of me as a lesson. And it’s the lessons on what my own mum has taught me that will guide me to being a mum I can one day look back on and be proud of.

It’s these learnings that allow me to focus on how I can be the best person I can be for me and for my daughter. I want to firstly focus on how I can show her that her mum isn’t defined by life’s shit, but merely strengthened by it. I want to provide for her an empowered, supported and loving environment and a relationship with her mum that is unconditional.

It’s these qualities that I see so often in my own clients and their mum’s on their wedding days. Of course, it wouldn’t be life with its grit if there wasn’t some drama but that’s just fluff. It’s the true intention of those around you that should define how you feel about them. And I see a lot of amazing women, supporting and unconditionally loving the women that they have raised.

Whether your mum is or isn’t in your life or if she is the most incredible woman you have ever known, I say to you- what is it that this woman has taught you? What lessons have you learned? And how can you use these lessons in your own life?

I hope you have a beautiful Mother’s Day, whether its celebrating you or the magical woman in your life. There’s beauty everywhere and we just have to remember to find it!

xx Hilary